Doubt
by AGENT Kuma-chan
Summary: It isn't always easy to hunt the Atuma. There isn't always a right path and a wrong path. Allen sometimes gets stuck at the crossroads, wondering if what he does is right. If it is worth the tears and the blood and the pain.


**Doubt**

Looking through the crowd of people, Allen sees _it_. Another Atuma, one that seems to be going somewhere in hurry. Quickly, he followed it, ready to stop any mayhem it might cause. He couldn't destroy it immediately, as there might be witnesses. Instead, he was waiting until they left prying eyes to destroy it. As he followed, he noticed that this time the body was that off a young girl. "She probably lost her father or fiancé," he thinks before the Atuma stops and chats with a young boy. As Allen hides, he manages to hear strains of the conversation.

"Sorry, I'm a little busy now. Later?" the Atuma asks, in a gentle voice.

"Aww…" the little boy looks disappointed.

"I'll buy you a chocolate," she offers.

Eyes widening in surprise, the boy asks, "Really?"

Laughing lightly, she nods her head before getting hugged by her brother. He grins up to her, "Okay, onee-chan." Then, trying to act manly, the boy lets go and runs off. Watching him leave, the Atuma waves goodbye and walks on.

Allen continues to follow as the Atuma strolls down the street. She passes by a bakery, waving to the baker inside. They continue to walk as the sun starts to lower in the sky and the streets start to empty. She goes down an abandoned street and turns to walk into an ally. Suspiciously, he enters it and sees her facing him, getting ready to transform. Surprised, the exorcist mildly wonders if his trailing was really that obvious, for she knew from the beginning. Then, before she completely turns into the machine, he changes his arm and gets ready to attack.

However, just when he is about to attack, he hesitates. He remembers the little boy, eagerly awaiting his sister. The boy who will never know what will happen to her. He thinks of her family and friends who will worry and cry over her, wondering where she is. Allen thinks of all of the promises made, made to those that care about her. Those people who are waiting to hear her laughter and see her smile. Those people who will never hear it again.

Then, the moment passes and he releases the poor trapped soul. For no matter how many get hurt by this action, no matter how many nightmares this causes him, it is not worth it.

It is not worth the destruction caused by the Atuma while it kills, breaking more families. It is not worth the pain it brings the soul inside, not able to move on, stuck in a world it does not belong to any more. This shell, for though it moves and talks like the person, it is still a hollow body filled with a controlled soul, is like a puppet. It is a toy mimicking the life it stole. The loved ones of this pitiful creature do not deserve this the most. For, if the Atuma is not destroyed, they will see it one day as a monster and their love will shatter. They will crumble, shocked that someone they trust is trying to kill them. And it is not worth it.

Sometimes, at night, Allen dreams about the Atuma, of those that will never know what happened to their loved one. Whenever Allen has the nightmares, he feels like quitting, like giving up. For, sometimes, it is not worth it to destroy the Atuma. To destroy the small hope that makes someone happy, taking away their loneliness. Then, he recalls the dreams that he gets. The dreams of the cries and fearful eyes of those who see the Atuma, of the anguished yells of "Mama?" or "Come back!" This makes him push on, makes him remember his promise. For, he does not want other families to be torn and broken. For others to remember their love as a hollow-less monster, for others to have their good memories corrupted with terror.

And for this, he can endure the nightmares and guilt.

**A/N:** For those of you who are D-Grayman fans, waiting to pounce on me, I'm sorry about how this story is. I'm only on the FIFTH chapter. I have no idea about anything that happens after, and this is in character to me at the moment.

….And I haven't really met the other characters yet.

…And this seems like it could happen. Though I was trying to talk about nightmares in the beginning but it went in this direction.

I'll try better next time? Please tell me what you think and

REVIEW!


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